Time Alone is Time Well Spent
How do you really feel about the concept of spending time on your own? I have heard so many different answers to this question. And I think an element of the answer could depend on which stage of life you are in of course and your unique circumstances. For example, teenagers generally like to socialise and be around others perhaps more than those in their 30’s after a long day at work who would want nothing more than an evening to themselves and to NOT socialise at all – speaking from experience of course, and certainly not meaning to paint us all with the same brush.
Spending time with others is enriching, in fact relationships to another whether that be romantically or platonically, or indeed a family member, I believe to be one of the best things about life; sharing it with others you love. So this article isn’t meant to divide you from the ones you love and instruct you to hermit for all eternity, far from it – however I would like to bring forth the many abundant reasons that time alone really is time well spent. So in this article let’s journey through the many complicated facets of our human nature, and I hope by the end I will have convinced you, or confirmed your suspicions, as to why spending time alone is time very well spent.
So Why Spend Time Alone?
If you can have regular time to yourself (then I’m secretly very jealous) and you love it then amazing! – Let the following reinforce all the reasons why it’s important, valuable and serves your highest purpose. However if time alone fills you with some form of dread, then I hope the following can gently guide you to recognising why it could have a positive impact on not just your mental health, but also your emotional well-being, and how you show up as a person beyond your solitude. The ripple effect of getting to know thyself, then bringing that celebrated, better-balanced being into the world ripples far beyond us and can have a serious impact. Let’s have a look at several key reasons why it’s such an important regular consideration for us to have personal space:
Self-Reflection & Personal Growth
Alone time allows you to process your thoughts without outside influence, which helps you understand your feelings and beliefs more clearly. You can receive so much clarity about situations when you’ve given yourself the space to contemplate them alone. You become more aware of your needs, your feelings, and where you’re headed, which can aid in personal growth and making informed decisions.
Boosts Creativity
Solitude can help you think more deeply and approach challenges from unique perspectives. Without external distractions, your mind has the space to wander and generate new ideas. Many creative people, from writers to inventors, emphasise the importance of solitude for fostering that innovative thinking mindset. I know I couldn’t personally write without time alone to do so.
Improves Mental Health
Alone time can be a form of self-care that helps lower stress levels by providing a break from social obligations and overstimulation. This one is incredibly important. When you’re alone, you have the freedom to process emotions at your own pace, which can prevent overwhelm and improve your approach to life and the demands of it, it makes you more resilient.
Enhances Relationships
Time alone can make you more appreciative of your relationships. It gives you the opportunity to recharge, making interactions with others, whoever it is, more meaningful. It also stimulates your own empathy for others too. Being a parent, time alone, although harder to come by, when you can get it, it makes all the difference and I’m personally a much nicer parent when I’ve had time to process my own thoughts and feelings. Furthermore, spending time by yourself helps you become less reliant on others for entertainment or validation, which gives a sense of independence and self-reliance.
Increases Productivity
When you’re alone, especially in a quiet setting, it can allow you to focus better and accomplish tasks more efficiently. Extended periods alone can lead to more in-depth, uninterrupted work sessions that result in higher-quality output.
Strengthens Mental Fortitude
Learning to be comfortable alone builds mental toughness and can make you more resilient and comfortable in challenging situations. Knowing that you can enjoy your own company and be content without constant social interaction can empower you and reduce feelings of dependency.
While spending time with others is essential for building connections and fostering relationships, balancing that with alone time is equally important for a well-rounded, healthy life. Solitude empowers you to understand yourself better I think, and think creatively, and manage stress, which ultimately enhances both your personal and social life. What’s not to love?
What if I Prefer to Be With Others?
Preferring the company of others over spending time alone is quite common and can mean a variety of things depending on context. If you find yourself preferring social interactions and prefer being with others, it might indicate that you have an extroverted personality. Extroverts typically feel more stimulated and recharged when surrounded by people. Of course you might just prefer connection to other humans. Humans are inherently social beings, and the desire for connection and community is natural. Preferring others' company might simply reflect your love for shared experiences and the joy of building relationships.
If you often feel the need to be with others for reassurance or a sense of worth, it could indicate a reliance on external validation. This means your self-esteem may be influenced by others' approval or attention. You might find that being around others helps reinforce your sense of belonging or importance, especially if you struggle with self-confidence or self-acceptance when you’re alone. But however hard you may find it, it’s important to try not to avoid being alone. This can stop us from being introspective, but this inner inquiry is so important for our growth. Solitude can bring up unresolved emotions and uncomfortable thoughts that are easier to sidestep when we’re occupied by social interactions. Again, try not to avoid being alone by distracting yourself in the glory and escapism of others' company. You might be so used to being around others that it has become your comfort zone, making it harder to appreciate the benefits of alone time.
FOMO - Fear of Missing Out – I have absolutely (haven’t we all) had FOMO. I wanted to bring it up because it’s a very real experience for a lot of us. Often we talk ourselves into doing stuff we might not necessarily want to do, but the fear of missing something is far greater than our desire to please ourselves! Seeing others engaging in activities might heighten this fear and create pressure to stay connected socially as well. This can make being alone feel like a missed opportunity for fun or a meaningful experience. This is not always the case though, so if you’ve made the decision to be alone and not go out, stick with your decision, trust your gut; you did what was best for you at the time and that’s perfect. What is meant for you will come and you’ll know you need to be a part of it.
So whatever your reasons are for preferring company, whether they’re deep seated beliefs about yourself that you might not want to face, you have experienced past trauma or anxiety that makes solitude challenging, or perhaps you just haven’t yet found activities that you enjoy doing alone, whatever the reasons, know it’s perfectly natural to want to be around other people. However, being alone, in my very humble opinion, is as essential (if not MORE essential) as being around others. Building that relationship with thyself first and foremost, as previously mentioned, builds the foundation of how we then show up in the world outside of ourselves.
How to Balance Social Time & Solitude
If you’re interested in nurturing a better relationship with yourself AND having a buzzing social life, you could try with short periods of solitude that involve enjoyable stuff, like reading or listening to music, and gradually increase that time as you grow more comfortable. Then you could try incorporating mindfulness which can help you become more present and comfortable with your own thoughts; challenge those negative thoughts and try questioning their reasoning for being there, do they serve you well? If not, try to replace them with thoughts that are more in alignment with who and what you are, and how far you’ve come. Try giving yourself examples of times you’ve faced adversity yet still came through for yourself, advocated for yourself, and see how this feels in your body.
Find activities you genuinely enjoy doing alone, such as painting, writing, or gardening. I wrote an article on hobbies a while ago, titled: Hobbies-The Importance of Having Them. There’s lots of great ideas in it. The company of others isn't inherently negative—it’s a part of life. However, developing comfort with solitude can deepen self-understanding, build independence, and contribute to a stronger, more resilient individual. Find what works for you of course, and go out, get crazy, do the things that light you up, create the connections, build your LIFE how you want to see it and LIVE it, live in it fully. Just don’t lose yourself along the way, build that relationship with YOU first. Finding the balance will come, especially through compassion for your experience of life and your needs.
The Relationship to Self
Working on your relationship with yourself is a deeply personal and transformative journey that requires consistent effort and reflection, and I know that sounds exhausting and quite frankly it is. There’s no getting around that I’m afraid, BUT it doesn’t have to be a burden; it’s not a burden. So I’ve put together what I believe are some key strategies to help you build a healthier, more supportive relationship with yourself:
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself, seriously. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend or loved one. When you make mistakes or face challenges, try replacing self-criticism with supportive thoughts. Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment, whether they are positive or negative. This builds self-acceptance and helps you process experiences more fully. Practicing self-compassion has been paramount for me and it’s still something I have to remind myself to adopt when I’m in a stressful situation. But it’s honestly been a life changing practice, just affording myself kindness and compassion at all times.
Engage in Self-Reflection
Write down your thoughts and feelings regularly in a journal. This helps you understand patterns, gain clarity, and process your emotions in a healthy way. Take a few minutes each day to check in with yourself. Ask, “How am I feeling today? What do I need right now?” - This practice can strengthen self-awareness and helps you ask for what you need.
Set Boundaries & Prioritise Self-Care
Protect your time and energy by setting boundaries that align with your values and needs. Saying no to others when necessary allows you to say yes to yourself. Make sure you’re regularly engaging in stuff that replenishes you, whether it’s taking a bath, reading, going for a walk, or just simply relaxing. Relaxing doesn’t equal laziness, it’s self-care!
Develop Self-Trust
Build trust by following through on commitments you make to yourself, keep your own promises, no matter how small. This reinforces your belief in your own reliability and capability. And be honest with yourself – cultivate an honest dialogue with yourself about your strengths, weaknesses, and aspirations. Acknowledging your reality can help you make better choices and grow stronger in the process. I always say, meet yourself exactly where you are right now and go from there.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Notice when negative or critical thoughts arise and question their validity. Replace them with more constructive and balanced thoughts (as well as telling them where to go!). Regularly remind yourself of your positive qualities and accomplishments. Affirmations or writing a list of your strengths can help reinforce a positive self-view, and looks great on your bedroom mirror! Looking at these everyday too can also be helpful.
Nurture Your Physical & Mental Health
Regular exercise has proven benefits for both mental and physical well-being. It can elevate mood, reduce stress, and improve self-esteem. Also, taking care of your body with balanced nutrition and adequate sleep supports mental clarity and emotional stability. We are all pretty much aware of these staples in health. I can not express how necessary exercise, nutrition and sleep are to our overall well being so get a handle on these and you’ll be well on your way.
Surround Yourself with Positivity
Spend time with people who uplift and inspire you. Avoid those who consistently drain your energy or undermine your self-worth. Be mindful of what you read, watch, and listen to. Choose content that promotes growth, inspiration, and positivity. This isn’t necessarily “do positive affirmations and you’ll be fine” – it’s more awareness of how much negativity you allow in your life and rectifying this with that counterpart; more positive, uplifting stuff!
Embrace Solitude
Yes, here it is. All roads lead back to ourselves; spend time doing things you love on your OWN. As mentioned, this can build confidence, help you reconnect with your inner self, and remind you that your own company is valuable. Engaging in mindful activities like meditation can ground you in the present moment and strengthen your relationship with yourself.
Celebrate Your Achievements
Acknowledge your progress and take time to celebrate even the small milestones. Recognising your efforts, not just the outcomes, nurtures a sense of accomplishment and pride. Practice gratitude, reflect on things you’re grateful for in yourself—qualities, actions, and achievements. This encourages a positive internal narrative.
Building a stronger relationship with yourself is a continuous, evolving process. It’s about creating a foundation of self-love, understanding, and acceptance that supports you through life’s ups and downs. By prioritising self-care, maintaining self-honesty, and nurturing your physical and emotional well-being, you can deepen your overall sense of fulfilment.
One of my favourite authors, Richard Rudd, was on a podcast a while ago and said of our anxiety, “get to a place where you can say to it, I no longer care if you stay or if you go” – and by spending time alone, building my relationship to myself, getting to know thyself, I have had negative thought upon negative thought surface constantly, however through watching, listening and reading Richard Rudd’s material (and many others in my alone time) I was able to have compassion with myself and I kept on repeat, I no longer care if these thoughts stay or if they go, they are welcome here, they are welcome to stay – I changed my approach slightly because being at war with myself and not wanting to be alone with my thoughts was no longer working for me. I could no longer carry on the way I had been for so long. So through this time I spent with myself, I was able to shine a light on the places I felt uncomfortable, I was able to dive deep into my own unconscious mind, I was able to develop healthy habits that serve me every day now. It is my wish for all of humanity to have compassion for themselves, to be present and mindful of their inner dialogue and reality – cultivating those moments alone, in solitude, to reflect and digest everything away from the hustle and bustle of daily living, I believe to be one of the most important things we need for ourselves today. I hope I have convinced you by this point, that time alone is time very well spent indeed.
“We’re deaf because we can’t handle the silence of the question without an answer” – Richard Rudd
“Some people don’t understand the importance of solitude. I don’t always want to be stimulated. I don’t always want noise. In fact, when I find my alone time, that’s when I find myself. Alone time helps me put myself first. It helps me reset life” – S. McNutt
